We schedule sex

By Luna Vermeer

schedule 4 min

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Scheduling sex sounded about as sexy as doing my taxes until we tried it. Turns out a calendar invite can be an invitation to play, not a passion killer. With a little ritual planning our intimacy actually freed my body to relax and enjoy. Spoiler: our dates got hotter, our connection got sweeter, and the awkwardness dissolved.

Hearth emoji

Life kept handing us tasks and our desire was always politely waiting its turn. So we finally decided we needed to schedule sexy time. My husband imediately put a heart emoji on the calender for Tuesday, because nothing says romance like a good emoji. I worried it would feel forced, but it felt like a love note to our future tired selves. Anticipation started flirting with me on Sunday, which is frankly the best kind of foreplay. The calendar didn’t create pressure it created anticipation and relexation.

Tuesday

Tuesday finally arrived. I do a few rounds of yoni breathing to get my body in the right mood and do slow exhales to soften my jaw and thighs. We start by checking in with each other on what we want and start slow. We also decided to stop if somebody did not want to continue. This somehow made everything spicier and safer at once. Safe to say neither of us wanted to stop :)

More spontaneous (no, really)

Once a week is our anchor, but the afterglow sprinkles surprise kisses all over the week. Because we know another cozy island is coming, we flirt more in the mundane moments, like while chopping onions. It killed the scorekeeping and resurrected actual desire. I stopped waiting for the perfect mood and let the mood be something we co-create. Oddly, the structure made room for wildness. Apperently my libido loves a schedule the way plants love a watering can.

Tips to try

Name the date something cheeky so it feels like play, not performance ours is “Operation Cozy Volcano.” Keep the goal intimacy, not penetration. Protect the time like it’s your favorite sacred snack you don’t share with anyone else. Put a emoji on Tuesday, and let your love story RSVP yes.

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